i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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