Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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