tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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