Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's official drugs can't kill me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
