Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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