So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
