I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
