I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
