So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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