im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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