nut hugger
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
