PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
