He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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