This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
