have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
