i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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