Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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