it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
