Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
