**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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