Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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