All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
