she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
