Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
