Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
