She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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