Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
