dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
