As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize