Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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