I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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