i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
