I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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