her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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