Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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