Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
