I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
