Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
