I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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