just tell him i said nine months
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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