I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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