All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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