I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
