You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't deserve a penis
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize