So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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