Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
