She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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