i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
