so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
