So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
