Sry I called you an 8
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
