The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
