Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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