sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have post one night stand depression
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