ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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