My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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