New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's blow job season.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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