Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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