do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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