i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A+ Viking dick
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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