can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
